How do we get out of the fight with anger? Is it so hard to calm down?

How do we get out of the fight with anger? Is it so hard to calm down?

Often it has happened to you to upset you. An office colleague. Your partner at home or your child. You feel an outraged rage and recognize: it has been hard for you to calm down.

It is anger for these feelings. How do we fight it, how we control it, and especially how we leave it behind us, said Mioara Obreja, psychotherapist at the Clinic of Happiness.

Anger is a signal that we have to bear in mind, it may be a message that we feel injured, that our rights have been violated. Or that our needs are not properly fulfilled. Anger tells us that we are not dealing with an emotional aspect of our lives. Or, he conveys that much of our beliefs, values, desires, or ambitions are compromised, the therapist explained to us what anger is.

We need to control our anger

He also stressed that our anger may be the signal that we are doing and doing more than we want. Or that others do too much for us, to the detriment of our own growth and the learning of the lessons that our lives send us. All these are feelings we must learn to control.

Women are by definition gentle and calm

Moreover, the current society emphasizes the fact that a woman should not express her anger. Because women are by definition calm, gentle, empathetic, they are the ones who console and listen to others.

However, for a long time, women have been discouraged to recognize and express their anger directly. We are made of milk and honey, we are the ones who care for others, console them, calm them, make peace and settle the conflicts.

According to the therapist, women's job is to please, protect, soothe the waters in a society.

We maintain relationships as if our life depended on this. Women who openly express their anger over men are judged, unlike the angry men who claim to fight for their beliefs. Our taboos about the emotion of anger and its expression are so powerful that it is not easy even to know that we are angry. When a woman manifests her anger, she will most likely be irrational. That is why women have learned to be afraid of their own anger, not only because it attracts others' disapproval, but also because it indicates the need for change, the psychologist pointed out.

According to the therapist, behind the anger there is a deep, old pain that has its origins in childhood.

Working with anger in the office of a psychotherapist invites us to a reflection on the conscious and unconscious fury that pushes the wrong choices, whether emotionally, professionally or socially, Mioara Obreja said.

What are the consequences of anger:

The bad consequences of anger can destroy us. For example, says the therapist, addictions, suicide attempts or self-abuse, or can hurt entourage for people who have difficulty managing their anger. More specifically, it is the conjugal violence or psychological harassment of women today.

Unfortunately, most of us have not been helped to learn to use our anger in order to clarify our ideas and to strengthen ourselves. Instead, we have been taught to be afraid of our anger. Let's totally deny it, turn it to unsuitable targets or turn it against us. But a specialist can teach you to manage your anger. The goal is not to repress or hide your anger. The goal is to learn to accept and modulate it in healthy forms that can help you to be more assertive and more balanced, the therapist said.

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