How do you deal with toxic relationships? Here are 5 secrets

How do you deal with toxic relationships? Here are 5 secrets

Certainly many of us know people around whom we do not feel at ease. Intuition tells us that something is wrong, even if at the surface level we do not know exactly what makes us feel that way.

We talk about toxic people with some dysfunctional behaviors that are inflexible in terms of change.

The four patterns of conflicting people

Everyone has at one point a bad day or a whole period of trouble, but how do we realize we're talking about toxic people?

  • Thinking of the guy all or nothing. Those who have such a thought want to adopt the solution that they want or just rely on what they think is right. They do not have that empathy capacity or the flexibility to take into account the other's point of view. Compromise is something unacceptable to them. So if you sometimes feel that some people (even family members) get you out of pity and you do not know the exact cause, consider this pattern.
  • Displays very volcanic, intense emotions. In a conflict, such a person will "explode" emotionally, either becoming angry or screaming or showing a humiliating attitude toward others. He can not control his own emotions and will also generate tension for others.
  • Blaming others. The most obvious behavior of toxic people is how often they tend to blame others for what is happening to them or for what they themselves feel. The most feasible targets are especially family members, who at one point may feel terrified of being held responsible for the misery of the other.
  • Passive-aggressive behavior. Passive-grazing people tend not to express their anger, frustration or dissatisfaction in a transparent and clear way by communicating with others. They hide their feelings under the guise that everything is good, but they become aggressive by disturbing behaviors for those they are unhappy with. For example, I am accustomed to putting you in front of the accomplished fact or accepting to help you with a certain task but in the end you notice that they did nothing, excused that they did not have time. They can also avoid answering certain questions that they do not agree with, forget about, do the victim, and do not take responsibility for their actions. You will always be the culprit for a conflict and you may be accused of misinterpreting a situation and the problem is with you.
  • How do you deal with toxic people?

    First of all, although it is not simple and requires workout, it is important to keep your balance and have a respectful, empathetic attitude so that the other can take on your example. In the human brain there are some "mirror" neurons that copy the condition and behavior of the person you are facing in front of. Kindness draws courtesy, and if you feel the other does not change, and continue to behave inappropriately, reinterpret the situation. Think about it's emotional and that you are not responsible for how others feel, especially if you have done everything you can to balance yourself.

    Secondly, give the other the feeling of being in control of the situation and has more options to choose from. For example, if someone asks for a helping hand, and for you is not a good time, they do not refuse the first but mention that at that time you only have a few minutes or more time at a later time. And ask the other to choose. People feel more comfortable when they have control or when they have the freedom to make decisions.

    Third, and perhaps most importantly, for your mental health, you start putting limits on others and expressing it clearly, but a diplomat who can tolerate and what not. If you can not say "NO" and it is difficult to put yourself first for various personal reasons (you have a fear of rejection, you consider the needs of the other are more important than yours, etc.) you can feel emotionally exhausted at at some point, without realizing the concrete cause.

    If you have so far engaged in an unhealthy way for you with the people who have consumed you emotionally, it is not too late to make a change for the better. Remember that you are your safest investment and that if you are well in the interior, your relationships will also harmonize.

    Because it is not a simple and quick process, you can call on a mental health specialist to help you make these changes easier in order to have a better life. Better late than never!

    Delia Bebi is a clinical psychologist and psychotherapist, specializing in the evaluation and therapy of the child, adult and couple.

    Specializations: therapy for depression, anxiety, stress, burnout, communication.

    0729 743 734

    [email protected]

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