Most of us want healthy, sustainable couple relationships that can provide us with positive energy. But do we know what it means to maintain the long-term relationship? For the two to feel accepted and appreciated, they need to take small steps each day to support the couple.
Love for the other is built every day little by little and no exotic holiday is needed to keep the fire hot. Delia Bebi, a psychologist and psychotherapist, explained to the Doctor of the Day what secrets will have the power to turn a conflictual relationship into a more constructive one:
Accept the other as it is, insofar as it does not greatly affect its behavior. Living with the illusion that you will change it as you wish will only lead you to disappointment, because people change only if they want, not through external pressures. In addition, the pressures and conditions you can impose on him may frustrate, and you will get the opposite. Just make sure you choose a partner with whose defects you can live, because with anyone who has a relationship you will have behaviors that you will not be 100% compatible.
Give him little appreciation every day. Avoid criticism and if you have some discontent express them by referring to how you felt about the other's behavior. Reproaches or accusations only distance a couple and make the two of them no longer feel at ease in the presence of the other. The basic principle is to describe how you felt when you saw or heard that the partner did or said something disturbing. In this way, the other will understand how you have seen things through your own perspective.
Look at conflicts as situations where you can learn something else about the needs of the other. Avoid the approach in which you try to impose your point of view or gain an argument in a discussion. Even a simple change of perspective can improve things.
Always assume that the partner is right in his own way and has the right to express his dissatisfaction. In a conflict situation, it is worthwhile to try to look at each other's, because each has experienced the situation in its own way and it is important to find a compromise situation. It solves the moment, not the problem. When the problem reoccurs, negotiate what everyone can leave from it so that tensions can no longer be reached.
Give the other the presumption of innocence. That is, it starts from the premise that you can both be wrong, because none of the relationship is perfect. Think of a positive intention behind a situation. Even in conflict, the intention is to solve the problem, just as people often communicate by accusing the other. Certainly, you each have various reactions that may be uncomfortable for your partner at a certain time.
Try looking at the relationship through pink glasses. That is, to have a positive outlook and to believe that you can go together in difficult situations, which will help strengthen the relationship even further. Happy couples are not conflict-free and have their own tensions. The difference is that partners choose to forget what was negative and focus on what the partner does well so as not to accumulate frustration.
It is not easy for someone to start doing things differently in order to improve it because we humans are beings of routine and habits and what has been consolidated over time requires much effort for change. It is often necessary to develop yourself personally before you can bring positive energy into the relationship. The change is done effortlessly and remember that by the end you are the best investment of yours. Therefore, do not hesitate to call a specialist in mental health when you feel you need an outside help to motivate you.
Psychiatric Cabinet "Delia Bebi", psychologist and psychotherapist